One time my mom told me something cool she’d heard from a friend.
Step 1: Write a list of all the attributes you want in a man (mine was a list of 26 things).
Step 2: Write a list of all the attributes that man should have in a wife.
Step 3: Throw the first list away.
Step 4: Pursue God and be your best self.
I kept both lists in my husband journal and would read the one for ME every once in a while. When I met Tim, I didn’t reference my list once.
How did I know he was the one?
Interesting enough I don’t believe in “the one” or soulmates. I believe that the person you marry comes down to YOUR choice of partner. Do I know people who have heard God say, “That is your wife”? Yes! And their marriage is phenomenal. There are also people who have “heard” from God about their spouses who are now divorced. So what’s the difference?
When I met Tim I instantly was attracted to him. He was cute, funny, driven, and sold out for Jesus. At 25 the BIGGEST qualities that I wanted in a man was someone who 1. Knew who they were in Christ and 2. Loved Jesus enough to obey Him. Tim was BOTH of those. We didn’t start dating until a year later, but even on our first date (which I was SO incredibly nervous for) I absolutely knew that God approved of Tim as a man of God, and a man he approved to be my husband. It all came down to in-person chemistry (He lived in MI and I in OH, so we had been talking over the phone) and whether or not my parents liked him (Yes, at 26 it was still important that my parents felt good about him).
Tim met my parents on our second date. They loved him.
From that moment on – without a dove on my shoulder, verbal confirmation from God or a sign – I chose Tim as the man I wanted on my team for the rest of my life. And, for the first time in my life, there was peace in my heart about my relationship with a potential life-partner.
I chose Tim.
Tim chose me.
Only when I chose him did he become “the one” because I had chosen him to be my one.
I didn’t always have that outlook. I grew up (and still am) incredibly imaginative. I love fantasy and happy endings and my view on love was ELECTRICITY, PASSION, MEANT-TO-BE, DOVE ON THE SHOULDER – all of those intensely romantic things. BUT because of that outlook, I was always fearful. What if I miss meeting “the one”? What if I do this but mess up my future with “the one”? I like this boy but what if he’s not “the one”? This guy is great but what if he’s not as great as someone greater? And so on and so on.
I didn’t really date. Tim was my first official boyfriend (made official 9.15.16 <3). I always had this sinking feeling after a date and then I might go for a second, but the feeling wouldn’t leave. I’ve been ghosted by a guy, that honestly, I might have chosen to be my one! Things haven’t worked out because of spiritual beliefs…etc. I look back and realize that for most of those encounters I didn’t have a proper perspective of relationships, romance, and marriage.
God did not design us to be fearful of the future. He designed and equipped us to be confident in our decision-making abilities because He gave us the Holy Spirit to lead and guide us (Romans 8). Does God care who you marry? ABSOLUTELY. HUGE DEAL. Which is why it’s so important that you know His voice and are obedient to that voice. It’s why you ask Him questions about your relationship and get His Fatherly direction.
- You don’t have to be afraid of missing “the one”.
- You don’t to be afraid of marrying someone God didn’t approve of for you.
- You don’t have to be afraid of divorce.
- You don’t have to be afraid of waking up one day in a marriage and thinking, “I’m trapped.”
You can be confident that you can choose a life-partner that God sings His praises over!
The bottom line is this: Know the voice of your Father and follow it.
If you are called to marriage, guess what? It’ll happen. Just keep following Jesus. The only what if you’re allowed is, “What if I follow Jesus wherever He goes?”
That list I wrote? Tim fulfilled all of them. I wrote down attributes of a Godly man, and that’s the man I got. We love each other, are excited about doing life together and making an eternal impact, and soon we’ll parent together. Each day isn’t electricity, but each day is filled with love, purpose, and passion for Jesus and our mission on earth (except during the first trimester when I laid on the couch for 8 weeks haha).
Remember, marriage is an earthly state designed for eternal impact. Two lives becoming one as an image of Christ and the Church for the advancement of God’s Kingdom by LOVING GOD AND PEOPLE. As a single, you are complete in Christ and you too have an eternal impact every day. Marriage doesn’t complete you, it only adds to you.
One whole man + One whole woman = One
Go follow Jesus and let God unfold your love story.